No Batteries Please!

It has been a very different experience hooking up with this man from the U.S. For one, I didn’t meet him on the internet. There was no profile to get the goods on him.  ie: fave color, pets, intentions, likes and dislikes. No, dear readers, I had nothing but a connection with his cousin, whom I work occasionally with. She asked me if I ever dated a black man. Yes, I answered, I have and I would again. Before I could expand on that, she held her cell phone in front of my face and instructed me to say hi. I tentatively did. There was a real, live person on the other end sounding as surprised as I was. That was three weeks ago. We’ve spoken on the phone every second day and we email daily.

I like him.

A lot.

He is gracious and respectful in his language to me. His emails are peppered with, please, if you don’t mind, at your convenience. And his compliments sweet. He has a certain shyness to him, yet he’s strong in his character and in his ability to take charge. He asked, after the first week of communication, if I would come out to visit him. Of course I would, I replied. So we continued on knowing it wasn’t a wasted effort; we would meet soon in November. I began to wonder about our future. There is a vast distance between us and if we have a love connection, who is going to move? I’m not, I explained to him. And, I followed with, he has two children (older) who live with him and I doubted that he would want to leave either. So how would this ever work? I  didn’t expect to hear back from him. I figured wrong.

He wrote back and answered he would, without question, relocate to Canada.

Wow.

So our communication continued.

It is expensive to fly to the other side of the continent and I wrote that it was too costly for me. He wrote back that he had no intention of me paying for this. He would look after the business part of meeting and he wanted me to feel free. This left me breathless. He mentioned that due to the fact that his children live with him, and that they are at a sensitive age, would I mind if he put me up in a hotel for the first few days? A nice one, he added. Not at all, I replied and knew it would be much more relaxing for me. I was impressed about his sensitivity to his children.

So in a month I will be boarding a jet off to see him.

I wonder about all the dismal coffee dates and the relationships that continued on from the meet and greets. It just seems like the men that I’ve met (not all I know) have forgotten or just don’t know how to be men anymore. They’ve lost the art of making a woman feel…  special. I remember Buddha Man bringing me the strangest gifts. One evening he arrived at my place where I was making him a ‘special’ dinner (maybe that was my mistake) and he pulled out of his pocket a ziplock bag stuffed with… batteries. Triple A’s. What’s that? I questioned. Oh, I thought you might like these and he placed them on the counter and looked at me with expectation in his eyes. So, the guy rummaged around his junk drawers pulling out all the batteries he could find and figured this would make a suitable gift for his lady love.

Sheesh.

Another took a liking to taking me to Walmart. He encouraged me to put in a few items that I might need in my fridge. When I separated my items from his at the cash register, he shook his head furiously, no, no, I will take care of that. It is my pleasure to.

Well, at least this one tried.

I was beginning to feel that this is what men are like now. If you want one you have to lower your expectations considerably. Rather than lower them I had decided to throw my handle in. When I would feel that pang of wistfulness when I walked behind lovers holding hands on the Promenade, I would tell myself loud and clear, ‘It’s all a lie!’ But then my co-worker threw me a curve ball. And I know what so many disappointments have done to my thinking. Every step of the way with this man, I’m expecting him to say or to do something that is going to be a deal-breaker. I even misinterpret what he says because I can’t really believe that he could be someone special and permanent for me. Even the hotel plan I hung up thinking, oh no, he wants us to go directly to a hotel!!! Good thing my friend was right there and talked me down from the ledge. No, Adrienne, he’s putting YOU up in a hotel. Are you for real?

It isn’t all about money though. It’s making a woman feel worthy of special attention. I know men nowadays are unsure of just what is expected of them, especially in the dating arena. But, offering a gentlemanly gesture is a safe bet. This man I’m going to meet just seems to get it. I’m a woman who has taken care of ‘business’ for nearly a decade. For a man to say to me, let me take care of this, well, it just leaves me a little breathless in a way that batteries just can’t do.

This is Adrienne, out of the internet dating trenches and soon onto a Boeing 747 Jet to meet a live one.

Follow Adrienne’s dating exploits, click her tag…

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