Scariest Animals

A tale trilogy from Gaboo…
Tale Of Two Chickens

Two chickens, both from the same flock, and raised for eggs. One is sexier, smaller, with better color in feathers. The other is bigger, smarter, and plays the angle. There are two more hens, but they’re older, meaner, and they gossip.

Now, of the two youngin’s, the smaller, prettier one, she just dances around at meals, gets pushed off by the two old bats and jostles with her sister. She seems unsure in the evolving flock, more skiddish. The opportunistic, larger hen… she’s big, plays it dumb, and pushes her way in. She comes running for the seed and plants her butt in the face of the others and pecks the food before they can. Even with the rooster, the cock, she walks over and eats his food. Sidled up to him right away, ate his food, and took a couple for the team.

She doesn’t listen to gossip. She doesn’t care. She’s big, and smart, and eats all the food. Eventually, she’s going to eat them, too.

 

We Need A Robber

It’s pretty relaxed around here. Yeah, I chased a four hundred pound bear last night using a flashlight, but there’s none of the stress that follows socialized environments. Halloween we’ve never had a kid. No troop of munchins is brave or energetic enough to test the last mile on a lonely road with a No Exit sign. I love symbolism.

So the neighbor talks his common law girlfriend into buying a new car. Why, I don’t know. It’s a nice car, compact, and the first week she was diligent with the beeper and the squeaker and kept it looking prim. But she, too, has fallen into the the trap of leaving her life wide-open, splaying upon her dominion. He never locks his car. He rarely closes the door. He just drives up, gets out, watches some TV, goes to sleep, and emerges scratching at midnight to assess yard work and his todo list. Nobody locks their doors around here. Now she’s taken to it. There’s her car, the new commuter, with the door hanging open and she’s having a grand time who knows where. The animals are seamonkeys; just add water.

And his cat just jumped out of her car.

Damn, that animal pees on everything. Oh well, she can rise fresh in the morning, pop outside, and “hey, slide right in.” Off to the office.

Oh, no. My cat just jumped out of her car. I better go close it.

 

Scariest Animals

The scariest animal that’s ever lived is the bear. It’s the most powerful land animal. Before that, when they were winged, bears ruled the sky and all that came below. Fortunately, bears were peaceful enough, ruminating on grubs and berries, and occasionally taking down a mammoth or a blue whale, animals which were also winged for a brief period. The bear would, however, snack on humans like M&M’s, hence our lore for the voracity of the bear. Bears owned most sub-dividable property and waterfront.

Deer habitat was confined to what the bears didn’t intend on developing, much the same as today in the deer’s relationship with humans. A bear would also sample deer if one buzzed past.

Early human accounts of deer are depicted on cave walls next to warnings of severe head injury. Deer ran faster, could sneak up, and left small, brown, berry-sized nuggets which misled our early ancestors into ambush. Bear drawings tend to show groups of stickmen fleeing madly. Yet history, as does this text, misleads us. The scariest species of all inevitably became the bunch with the fortitude in art.

 

Image: Facepaintingideas.org for more great face art.

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3 Responses to “Scariest Animals”
  1. dennis says:

    mel was a hateful and intolerant man, as was his father b4 him-but…everyone has a story that explains if not excuses

  2. dennis says:

    he was my uncle,after all

  3. dennis says:

    morinville ab

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