Looking For That Chemistry

Remember the scene in Little Women when Jo tells Laurie she doesn’t love him? I was baffled that she was turning down this handsome and wealthy young man who obviously adored her. She didn’t feel any chemistry for the man and she crushed him by turning him down. She pursued her career instead and when she least expected it, she bumped into the love of her life.

Love and chemistry has been on the back burner of our humble literary kitchen. It started with our man from Hong Kong with this:

Let me put things aside for the moment, I hope you would be interested to play with this. The following are translations from the modern Chinese quotes on love. To play is to rewrite a version that you feel better with it, and there are 30 quotes altogether if you are interested to carry on.

1. You said you love me forever; I forgot to ask you how long is forever.
2. Deeply, madly in love is a good start on we are still friends.
3. Can you pretend that you forgot you had been hurt?
4. The most fearful thing from this world is not separation, it is the distance.
5. Why don’t you say you were wrong, instead of saying you were feeling sad?
6. Your promise gives me that scar of the crucifix when our love ends.

This was responded by Gaboo with:

1. YOU say you love me forever AND forever I love you say ME.
2. Deeply madly in love and still friends.
3. Your memory serves you foul balls.
4. “distance makes the heart grow fonder”
5. Yes dear.
6. Your promise gives me that scar of the crucifix when our love ends. – this one was too good, I could not change it.

I was asked to post my own which I, somewhat indelicately, wrote:

Quotes on love from Adrienne, the Love-Expert  (Not!)

When advertising for love online do not display the following:

1. Pictures of you holding dead animals that you have killed.

I know a lot of you guys like to hunt and fish and feel it shows your manliness to your lady love. It doesn’t. End of story.

2. Do not post pictures that show you or anyone or anything urinating.

Not sure why this is common enough happening that I would list this as a number 2 don’t do, but there you have it.

3. Keep the pics of you and your scantily clad well-endowed daughter for your wallet.

It’s just kind of creepy. Sorry, it just is.

4. When you show you and your hunky son posing it make you look…kinda old and your son well…kinda hunky.

We may not admit it, but if we were honest, we would admit to gazing longingly at … gulp… your son.

5. We’re grown women who (most of us), work, pay a mortgage and raised children on our own. Please don’t preach to us on what kind of an attitude we should have to live a healthy life.

Women still outlive men by a few good years; there’s a reason for that.

*******

Do I sound a tad cranky? Well, read my volumes of dating disappointments and who could blame me? My forever patient and understanding editor wrote in response:

There’s some good men left, but shell shocked from previous relationships. Visit the coffee shops in the burbs where all these divorced guys take a pause, semi-retired paying off a second house because the wife took the first one. They are discussing philosophy and eating bran muffins trying to figure out their role.

I’ve been thinking over what he wrote. I’ve been so immersed in my own struggle to find Mr. Right and listening to stories from my teammates, other women and their past disasters, that I’ve forgotten a very simple fact. Of course there are good guys out there and not all of them advertise themselves online. No, I didn’t go checking out the coffee shops because that seems a bit desperate. And I would have to make myself presentable; I can go online in my PJ’s. How can I approach someone in this day and age without any knowledge of his profile?

Instead, I simply changed dating sites. I think I fished out the other one. Almost immediately I received a ‘flirt’ from a man who wrote the following:

One thing I have noticed is that some prefer to delete without any explanation. This indicates to me a shallowness that would lead me to believe that the one who deletes has a disregard for the human at the other end. My spirituality makes it impossible for me to even say these things, but those people seem unbalanced spiritually and have a perspective of life that they are entitled to but I can only accept as theirs not mine.

To communicate with another with no preconceived agenda may lead to a friendship that lasts a life time if nothing else. Everyone has a story to tell – we are the collective voice of the universe and deserve to be listened to and “heard”. A good listener is key to good communication – many pretend to listen and hear nothing.

Words alone are inadequate to convey feelings. A face-to-face meeting would be the goal for me if both people agree. To look into the eyes of the other and see the body language is the ultimate form of communication!

******

In our correspondence, he appears to be one of those guys my editor mentioned. He’s lost the family home and more than half of his bank account through his divorce. He wrote to me that when this happened he decided to work on his spirituality because no one will be able to take that away from him. He has five children! He’s lived on the Island for 28 years, a steady kind of person it appears.

I’ve agreed to go out for dinner with him tomorrow. I’ve given him my address and he will pick me up in the afternoon.

“Maybe we can go for that ‘run’ you spoke about and then for something to eat,” he suggested.

I agreed.

At least this one didn’t ask me why I was running and I’m quite sure he won’t be packing vodka in his thermos either. But, I was about to find out far more interesting tidbits in his lifestyle.

This is Adrienne, reporting to you eternally from the front lines.

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *