Bootcamp Confidential: Adrienne In Recovery

Continued from Adrienne’s Sea to Sky romance

As I’ve mentioned, I am resilient in life. I bounce back like a boxer you thought was down for the count—I pull myself up for more. This time, however, I felt defeated. My second day back I returned home from work and took to my bed, remote in hand. I closed off the world and channel surfed. I realized I had expectations with Marcel and was feeling disappointed and that elusive dream of finding someone was, once again, only just a dream. I knew the remedy for my pain was exercise, but I wanted to wallow and I gave myself permission to do so. When my co-workers wanted the goods on my weekend adventure, I just pointed my thumb downwards. To a close few, I gave the details and they gave me what I wanted, a friendly ear. One such good friend offered this:

“Do you really need someone in your life, Adrienne? Why do you keep at this? Aren’t you happy with what you have… without a man?”

“It’s not that I need someone, I want someone. I just don’t want a guy who sees me as a bed warmer. I want someone who really sees me, and wants to know more about me, and cares what I think and feel. I’m the lead character in my life and I’m not going to be any supporting actress for anyone. Not anymore. I did that and even then I didn’t like it. But now, I’ve got so much life experience, having lived single now for eight years or so. I’m not going to downplay that. I’m proud of what I’ve learned and some of these men think it’s their right to lecture me about how to live life. I think, buddy, did you bring your child up alone? Did you bury your parents alone? Shheeesh!”

“I’ve had one great love, Adrienne and you know all about him. I’m not ever going to find someone even close to what he was to me. I think you should just give up. It’s not worth it to keep being let down… like you consistently are.”

“I’ve considered that. But, you know, I have to say, as disappointing as this one was, I wouldn’t trade my weekend for anything. I had so much fun—climbing the mountain with someone who was as enthusiastic as I felt wonderful. I loved sharing the entire experience. His blundering remarks turned me off, yeah, but it didn’t take away from the excitement of the climbs, and being at that hostel, and meeting all the interesting people.”

She walked away shaking her head.

I called my Bootcamp buddy, Karen. I think with my heart and she works with the opposite side of her brain. She’s a cut and dry thinker. Nothing is absolute for me, just shades of gray. She’s a great one when there is a dilemma in life. I respect her advice. Karen was asking me to help her get back online as she’s recently returned from the States and needs to update her profile. I suggested we meet at a wi-fi coffee shop and both of us bring our laptops. Girls just wanna have fun.

First we did our usual exercise circuit: walk, run, and stairs. Up and down ravines, stone stepping at the shoreline, and up the numerous staircases to the bluff. I vented along the way.

“When I told him that I owned my own business for 16 years with my husband, he looked at me a little differently. He said something like, oh, you’re beautiful and brainy too? I could tell he felt a little intimidated by that. When we were driving towards the ferry terminal and trying to put all our cards on the table, he said that when he got home he was going to take a bath and read a book. This was the second time he said this. I thought, okay I’ll bite. I asked what book? He said it was one that his hockey coach wrote and that he’d read it already, but figured he’d read it again. I am sure he wanted to impress me that he can read.”

“I thought he was going to say, ‘It’s got big print’. ”

“Oh, you’re bad.”

“He’s a jock, Adrienne. If you want an intellectual, pick someone up at the library.”

At last we sat down side-by-side, with our coffees and logged on. I could see Marcel’s face staring back at me. He was rifling through the recycle bin, too, shopping. We hadn’t spoken for five days, not a phone call, not an email.

“Okay! This is the ultimate! Listen to this, Adrienne,” Karen turned her laptop toward me.

There was an image of a middle-aged guy wearing a Canadian toque and his opening line was:

I LIKE TO FISH AND DRIVE MY TRUCK INTO THE BUSH!!!!!

Karen dropped her head to the table.

“I… will… be… single… forever,” was all she said.

I patted her on the shoulder, “I think this one beats yours, my dear friend,” and turned my laptop so she could read. An email was sent to me by a twenty year old:

will u take me as your baby? I always wanted to feel safe with a woman like you…I know I can be your son cause my age but I think its so hot and it makes me feel wanted and protected even just thinking about you.

“We could switch teams you know?” she winked at me.

“You don’t have the right equipment.”

And so we searched, until the sun went down.

I kept the saying in mind, ‘It’s not the destination that counts, but the journey.’

I am having the time of my life.

Really, I am.

 

Stay tuned, next: The ‘F’ Word. Read Adrienne’s latest few posts here. Bootcamp Confidential © 2011 Adrienne S Moody. Catch up on all of Adrienne’s exploits at Now.readthisplease.com

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